Friday, January 30, 2004
THE LAST UPDATE BEFORE I GO TO PRAGUE
Well done to Kerry McFadden for doing the impossible: being more irritating than Peter Andre. Why on earth anyone would want to put this airheaded wench on TV is beyond me (then again, as long as she remains limited to Loose Women, I'll be able to happily ignore her). Even on the bloody credits she irritates the hell out of me, with her exaggerated dancing and vacant expression. I really can't think of a more hateful couple than her and Fat Bryan from Westlife. They should double date with Kelly Osbourne and the retard from the Transplants....in the fiery depths of Hell.
Recommended Viewing
Touch (£3.99 on DVD from cd-wow.com). Excellent comic drama, with a great soundtrack (score produced by Dave Grohl), with Skeet Ulrich as a faith healer named Juvenal, who the sneaky Christopher Walken wants to exploit for huge $$$. It lags a touch in the middle, as the Ulrich/Bridget Fonda romance is quite sickly, but it's redeemed by an excellent comic performance by Tom Arnold, who steals the show as a devout Christian determined to use Juvenal for his own purposes.
Recommended Listening
Less Than Jake- Anthem. Damn, this is good. After the less impressive Boundaries and Borders, this is a welcome return to form from the Florida trumpunk veterans. Highlight of the album is the lilting reggae-esque The Science Of Selling Yourself Short, but lead single She's Gonna Break Soon, That's Why They Call It A Union and Motown Never Sounded So Good all kick ass and make this a very worthwhile album.
Recommended reading
Feel like I'm cheating here, because I haven't finished it yet, but Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure is a stunning piece of literature.
This is the last post for at least a week because I'm on holiday :-D.
Davey C
now playing "Justified" by Justin Timberlake
Well done to Kerry McFadden for doing the impossible: being more irritating than Peter Andre. Why on earth anyone would want to put this airheaded wench on TV is beyond me (then again, as long as she remains limited to Loose Women, I'll be able to happily ignore her). Even on the bloody credits she irritates the hell out of me, with her exaggerated dancing and vacant expression. I really can't think of a more hateful couple than her and Fat Bryan from Westlife. They should double date with Kelly Osbourne and the retard from the Transplants....in the fiery depths of Hell.
Recommended Viewing
Touch (£3.99 on DVD from cd-wow.com). Excellent comic drama, with a great soundtrack (score produced by Dave Grohl), with Skeet Ulrich as a faith healer named Juvenal, who the sneaky Christopher Walken wants to exploit for huge $$$. It lags a touch in the middle, as the Ulrich/Bridget Fonda romance is quite sickly, but it's redeemed by an excellent comic performance by Tom Arnold, who steals the show as a devout Christian determined to use Juvenal for his own purposes.
Recommended Listening
Less Than Jake- Anthem. Damn, this is good. After the less impressive Boundaries and Borders, this is a welcome return to form from the Florida trumpunk veterans. Highlight of the album is the lilting reggae-esque The Science Of Selling Yourself Short, but lead single She's Gonna Break Soon, That's Why They Call It A Union and Motown Never Sounded So Good all kick ass and make this a very worthwhile album.
Recommended reading
Feel like I'm cheating here, because I haven't finished it yet, but Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure is a stunning piece of literature.
This is the last post for at least a week because I'm on holiday :-D.
Davey C
now playing "Justified" by Justin Timberlake
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Man, I swore to myself I wouldn't start posting my opinions on I'm A Celebrity...but PETER ANDRE IS SUCH A CUNT!! He's so damn irritating, I'm almost going off Mysterious Girl (almost..).
Other things that suck:
*Paying £110 for car tax
*Woolworth's selling out of Freddy vs Jason on DVD, thus requiring me going to cd-wow.com and waiting for a few days, maybe even until I return from Prague.
*The Monsters4gods webpage (linked on the left) seemingly getting rid of the "people who look like Glyn" section, which was a work of dramatic genius. My favourites were Shark Boy and the town of Milton Keynes.
By the way, thank you to Monsters4gods for linking me so please try and visit their site if possible, although don't expect it to be updated for a while. Oh, also your guestbook is full guys, we can't leave messages until you delete some. I blame that pesky Mark Jindrak ;-D.
Davey C
now playing- "Ginger Snaps OST" by Various Artists.
Other things that suck:
*Paying £110 for car tax
*Woolworth's selling out of Freddy vs Jason on DVD, thus requiring me going to cd-wow.com and waiting for a few days, maybe even until I return from Prague.
*The Monsters4gods webpage (linked on the left) seemingly getting rid of the "people who look like Glyn" section, which was a work of dramatic genius. My favourites were Shark Boy and the town of Milton Keynes.
By the way, thank you to Monsters4gods for linking me so please try and visit their site if possible, although don't expect it to be updated for a while. Oh, also your guestbook is full guys, we can't leave messages until you delete some. I blame that pesky Mark Jindrak ;-D.
Davey C
now playing- "Ginger Snaps OST" by Various Artists.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
OSCAR NOMINATIONS
A quick thought. In light of all the commotion over Cold Mountain not getting nominated for best picture, given the choice between setting fire to my eyeballs or watching a period drama set in the American civil war starring Jude Law and Nicole Kidman, I have to say I'd be reaching for the matches. More of a surprise is the lack of nomination for Freddy vs Jason.
A quick thought. In light of all the commotion over Cold Mountain not getting nominated for best picture, given the choice between setting fire to my eyeballs or watching a period drama set in the American civil war starring Jude Law and Nicole Kidman, I have to say I'd be reaching for the matches. More of a surprise is the lack of nomination for Freddy vs Jason.
Monday, January 26, 2004
ROYAL RUMBLE 2004
Just wanted to give my views on this years Rumble.
-The undercard sucked. Really badly. Flair/ Batista vs the Dudley Boyz was dreadful (in spite of the brilliance of Coach), Rey vs Noble was far to short (3:12, which is just a joke), Eddie vs Chavo was distinctly average, and really Chavo should have won to make the last 6 months of build up actually mean something. Brock vs Holly was dull, with literally half the match being Brock bearhugging Holly, but at least Brock got the clean victory.
-Worst of all though was HHH vs Shawn Michaels. This was by far and away the worst match of the Rumble. Half an hour of tedium and they can’t even give it a proper ending. What a crock of shite and the fans clearly agreed, with their loud chant of “bullshit”.
-The Rumble itself, however, was the F’N BOMB!!!! The only bad thing I can think of is that there was no Steven Richards in the match (really, in ECW country, not having one of ECW’s biggest stars wrestle is taking the mickey. I’m sure they could have swapped him for Rico or Test, especially as Test has been Big Stevie Cool’s bitch for the past month). There were so many glorious moments, I’ll struggle to remember them all, but highlights include…
*Rene Dupree and his excellent dance. Knocking out Matt Hardy kind of annoyed me, but doing the FRENCHY SHUFFLE~! afterwards made everything OK
*Bradshaw being the first eliminated. Fuck you, you talentless cunt.
*The Cat dancing, but not nearly as well as Rene Dupree.
*Future world champion Charlie Haas seemingly leaping over the top rope of his own accord as soon as Goldberg was near him.
*Nunzio hiding near the entrance for ages, then finally getting in and trying to eliminate the Big Show. Errors were made.
*Spike Dudley not getting into the ring. True fact: a Dudley Boy has never been in the Royal Rumble, EVER!
*MICK FOLEY!! Especially when he knocked Randy Orton out of the ring.
*Matt Morgan really impressing me, in spite of the fact that his previous appearances have all been shit.
*The fans LOVING Y2J when he hit the ring. I’ve missed Jericho as a face.
*The part in the middle when Orton and Steiner were locked in what looked like a gay tangle for nearly five minutes.
*Benoit and Big Show being the final two, thus guaranteeing that I would win the Dave-Verm-Spadger sweepstake
*BENOIT WINNING!!
Overall, maybe the second best Rumble ever, just pipped by the 1992 classic. Good work!
JASON X AND THE JASON TOP TEN
Just bought Jason X on DVD and wanted to add my opinions on it. First of all, it contains a really poor documentary on the Friday the 13th films, where they basically show no footage of Parts 1-8, because Paramount owns all the footage. They then try telling us that Part 9 is actually a really good film and that if we don’t like it, we just don’t “get it”, whereas actually Part 9 is the worst Jason film ever, because IT DOESN’T FUCKING FEATURE JASON!! They then spend five minutes telling us how great Freddy Kreuger is (because Freddy is a New Line Films creation, whereas Jason is a Paramount creation), Really disappointing. The film is OK, better than I remembered, but the writers don’t seem to understand what the audience wants. The audience wants Jason to go on a mad killing spree, hopefully leaving as few survivors as possible. They don’t want Jason killing a few people, getting his ass kicked by an irritating android, getting resurrected as a SUPER CYBORG JASON, complete with new stupid mask, then getting his ass kicked again, leaving the most gimpy of all the space crew (about five of them) to survive. We want to cheer Jason, not the humans. Having it in space is a really suckular idea as well, veering too much into the territory of bollocks sci-fi. If you HAVE to put it in space (and one of the ideas, which they turned down, was Jason in Africa, which would have been BRILLIANT!), at least give Jason some cool weaponry to play with, instead of a machete again. OK, the “frozen head” death was great and I loved Jason fighting the virtual girls, but what Jason needs is to be on Earth, in the present day, killing hapless losers. Sometimes the simple things are the best- nothing in this film beats the sight of a flaming Jason chasing some twat through a cornfield in Jason vs Freddy. Jason X is in the lower half of the Jason series, which leads me nicely to….
THE FRIDAY THE 13TH TOP TEN!!!!
(Please note- the order of the list is strictly my own preference.)
1.Friday the 13th Part III
(to me, this is the landmark film of the series. Jason finds the hockey mask for the first time, the fact that Jason can’t be killed is brought up for the first time ever, the sole survivor Chris is the hottest survivor of any Jason film and it features some of the best deaths –man cut in half during handstand, harpoon to the eye, the joker of the film having his throat slit and everyone thinking it’s another prank. Most of all, it was the first Friday film I ever saw, so to me, there can only be one winner)
2. Friday the 13th Part VI
(part six is a classic. The idea of Zombie Jason is introduced for the first time and almost every death is a classic. Special thumb up go to the girl who has her face rammed into the side of the van)
3. Friday the 13th
(by far and away the scariest of the series. Non-Jason fans would most likely prefer this one to the rest of the series, but the lack of Jason means that I can’t put it any higher in good conscience)
4. Friday the 13th Part IV
(Corey Feldman AND Crispin Glover? A great cast, a great storyline and some high quality deaths make this film a hit in my eyes. The film where Jason finally dies)
5. Friday the 13th Part II
(features the best death- the axe to the face of the man in the wheelchair. Jason’s debut and a good one, although the ending is pretty week. Lucky Jason is retarded enough to think that any girl in his mum’s jumper is, in fact, his mother)
6. Friday the 13th Part VIII
(a controversial choice, but I’m really fond of Part VIII. The idea of teleporting Jason is a little crappy and Jason seems to have given up on his vendetta against Camp Crystal Lake, but him killing a junkie with his own needle is such a nice touch. A film I’m proud to wear on my t-shirt)
7. Friday the 13th Part VII
(like the idea of the girl with psychic powers and it features a real cunty bad guy who you KNOW deserves to die. Nice uses of a circular saw by Jason as well, but just not as good as the others
8. Jason X
(see above. A disappointment)
9. Friday the 13th Part V
(another film without Jason, but at least it was a nice twist at the end. Film is average at best, Tommy Shepherd is awful here, as they make him a totally unlikeable character. The fact Reggie the Reckless doesn’t die means this film rates even lower)
10. Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday
(utter shit. Completely unconnected to the rest of the series, no Jason, rubbish characters. Yep, this film sucks)
Until next time….
Dave
(now playing- “Year Of The Spider” by Cold)
Just wanted to give my views on this years Rumble.
-The undercard sucked. Really badly. Flair/ Batista vs the Dudley Boyz was dreadful (in spite of the brilliance of Coach), Rey vs Noble was far to short (3:12, which is just a joke), Eddie vs Chavo was distinctly average, and really Chavo should have won to make the last 6 months of build up actually mean something. Brock vs Holly was dull, with literally half the match being Brock bearhugging Holly, but at least Brock got the clean victory.
-Worst of all though was HHH vs Shawn Michaels. This was by far and away the worst match of the Rumble. Half an hour of tedium and they can’t even give it a proper ending. What a crock of shite and the fans clearly agreed, with their loud chant of “bullshit”.
-The Rumble itself, however, was the F’N BOMB!!!! The only bad thing I can think of is that there was no Steven Richards in the match (really, in ECW country, not having one of ECW’s biggest stars wrestle is taking the mickey. I’m sure they could have swapped him for Rico or Test, especially as Test has been Big Stevie Cool’s bitch for the past month). There were so many glorious moments, I’ll struggle to remember them all, but highlights include…
*Rene Dupree and his excellent dance. Knocking out Matt Hardy kind of annoyed me, but doing the FRENCHY SHUFFLE~! afterwards made everything OK
*Bradshaw being the first eliminated. Fuck you, you talentless cunt.
*The Cat dancing, but not nearly as well as Rene Dupree.
*Future world champion Charlie Haas seemingly leaping over the top rope of his own accord as soon as Goldberg was near him.
*Nunzio hiding near the entrance for ages, then finally getting in and trying to eliminate the Big Show. Errors were made.
*Spike Dudley not getting into the ring. True fact: a Dudley Boy has never been in the Royal Rumble, EVER!
*MICK FOLEY!! Especially when he knocked Randy Orton out of the ring.
*Matt Morgan really impressing me, in spite of the fact that his previous appearances have all been shit.
*The fans LOVING Y2J when he hit the ring. I’ve missed Jericho as a face.
*The part in the middle when Orton and Steiner were locked in what looked like a gay tangle for nearly five minutes.
*Benoit and Big Show being the final two, thus guaranteeing that I would win the Dave-Verm-Spadger sweepstake
*BENOIT WINNING!!
Overall, maybe the second best Rumble ever, just pipped by the 1992 classic. Good work!
JASON X AND THE JASON TOP TEN
Just bought Jason X on DVD and wanted to add my opinions on it. First of all, it contains a really poor documentary on the Friday the 13th films, where they basically show no footage of Parts 1-8, because Paramount owns all the footage. They then try telling us that Part 9 is actually a really good film and that if we don’t like it, we just don’t “get it”, whereas actually Part 9 is the worst Jason film ever, because IT DOESN’T FUCKING FEATURE JASON!! They then spend five minutes telling us how great Freddy Kreuger is (because Freddy is a New Line Films creation, whereas Jason is a Paramount creation), Really disappointing. The film is OK, better than I remembered, but the writers don’t seem to understand what the audience wants. The audience wants Jason to go on a mad killing spree, hopefully leaving as few survivors as possible. They don’t want Jason killing a few people, getting his ass kicked by an irritating android, getting resurrected as a SUPER CYBORG JASON, complete with new stupid mask, then getting his ass kicked again, leaving the most gimpy of all the space crew (about five of them) to survive. We want to cheer Jason, not the humans. Having it in space is a really suckular idea as well, veering too much into the territory of bollocks sci-fi. If you HAVE to put it in space (and one of the ideas, which they turned down, was Jason in Africa, which would have been BRILLIANT!), at least give Jason some cool weaponry to play with, instead of a machete again. OK, the “frozen head” death was great and I loved Jason fighting the virtual girls, but what Jason needs is to be on Earth, in the present day, killing hapless losers. Sometimes the simple things are the best- nothing in this film beats the sight of a flaming Jason chasing some twat through a cornfield in Jason vs Freddy. Jason X is in the lower half of the Jason series, which leads me nicely to….
THE FRIDAY THE 13TH TOP TEN!!!!
(Please note- the order of the list is strictly my own preference.)
1.Friday the 13th Part III
(to me, this is the landmark film of the series. Jason finds the hockey mask for the first time, the fact that Jason can’t be killed is brought up for the first time ever, the sole survivor Chris is the hottest survivor of any Jason film and it features some of the best deaths –man cut in half during handstand, harpoon to the eye, the joker of the film having his throat slit and everyone thinking it’s another prank. Most of all, it was the first Friday film I ever saw, so to me, there can only be one winner)
2. Friday the 13th Part VI
(part six is a classic. The idea of Zombie Jason is introduced for the first time and almost every death is a classic. Special thumb up go to the girl who has her face rammed into the side of the van)
3. Friday the 13th
(by far and away the scariest of the series. Non-Jason fans would most likely prefer this one to the rest of the series, but the lack of Jason means that I can’t put it any higher in good conscience)
4. Friday the 13th Part IV
(Corey Feldman AND Crispin Glover? A great cast, a great storyline and some high quality deaths make this film a hit in my eyes. The film where Jason finally dies)
5. Friday the 13th Part II
(features the best death- the axe to the face of the man in the wheelchair. Jason’s debut and a good one, although the ending is pretty week. Lucky Jason is retarded enough to think that any girl in his mum’s jumper is, in fact, his mother)
6. Friday the 13th Part VIII
(a controversial choice, but I’m really fond of Part VIII. The idea of teleporting Jason is a little crappy and Jason seems to have given up on his vendetta against Camp Crystal Lake, but him killing a junkie with his own needle is such a nice touch. A film I’m proud to wear on my t-shirt)
7. Friday the 13th Part VII
(like the idea of the girl with psychic powers and it features a real cunty bad guy who you KNOW deserves to die. Nice uses of a circular saw by Jason as well, but just not as good as the others
8. Jason X
(see above. A disappointment)
9. Friday the 13th Part V
(another film without Jason, but at least it was a nice twist at the end. Film is average at best, Tommy Shepherd is awful here, as they make him a totally unlikeable character. The fact Reggie the Reckless doesn’t die means this film rates even lower)
10. Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday
(utter shit. Completely unconnected to the rest of the series, no Jason, rubbish characters. Yep, this film sucks)
Until next time….
Dave
(now playing- “Year Of The Spider” by Cold)
Thursday, January 22, 2004
THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MUSIC THIS YEAR
NEW LOSTPROPHETS ALBUM- Judging by how awesome “Burn Burn” was and having heard the excellent “We Are Godzilla – You Are Japan”, it has the potential to be one of the best albums of the year.
RED TAPE- LA based agit-punks whose awesome “Dive Bomb” is one of the many great things about the PS2 game Backyard Wrestling. Think Amen, if a bit more dumb, but no less heavy.
MICHELLE FROM POP IDOLS 3RD SINGLE NOT REACHING THE TOP 10- I’m predicting this now. It’ll be over soon.
GREAT BANDS BRINGING OUT ALBUMS THIS YEAR- The Lostprophets album is the one that excites me most, but with Jimmy Eat World, the Used, 36 Crazyfists and Nine Inch Nails all rumoured to have new releases, plus the much hyped Head Automatica album (the band featuring Daryl from Glassjaw, Vinnie from the Movielife and Gorillaz member Dan the Automator) it’ll be an expensive year.
JACK WHITE’S YEAR IN JAIL- Hopefully he’ll “do a Shipman” while in there.
CHEAP PLUG FOR THE GREATEST VIDEO I’VE SEEN THIS YEAR
Just finished watching CZW’s Cage of Death 5 and I can honestly say it’s one of THE greatest wrestling shows I’ve ever seen. Highlights include…
-Cory Kastle picking up a nice win in tag with Jon Damher against Jude/ Niles Young and Jamie Samuels/ DJ Hyde, ending with Dahmer hitting a fucking top rope version of the Move of 1000 Maniacs
-Jimmy Jacobs! Maybe the greatest gimmick EVER! A skinny cruiserweight who is convinced he is former WWF superstar The Berserker, complete with furry boots, tries valiantly to climb over the top rope and yells “HUSS” all the time. To cap it all off, his ring music is fucking “The Touch” from Transformers: the Movie.
-Jimmy Jacobs beating Derek Frazier and Sabian in a three way to become the #1 contender to the CZW Junior Heavyweight title. Especially because I hate Derek Frazier, for he looks like a cunt.
-Jimmy Rave beating Trent Acid for the CZW Iron Man title. Even though Trent is a god amongst wrestlers, the match was damn fine and Jimmy Rave deserves a push.
-the #1 contenders match for the Iron Man title, with B-Boy, Alex Shelley and Chris f’n Hero. Hero jobs to the Shining Wizard from B-Boy (damn), but Shelley picks up the win in one hell of a match
-Chris Cash and Joker have a sick ladder match, which earns them a standing ovation from the crowd. Joker gets the win following a Joker Driver from the top of the ladder (approx 15 feet) through a table. 2004 will be Chris Cash’s year.
-Sonjay Dutt FINALLY beating Ruckus to win the CZW Junior Heavyweight title. Awesome match and Ruckus shows he works even better as a heel than as a face.
-THE MAIN EVENT. Maybe the most incredible spectacle I’ve ever witnessed. The actual Cage of Death match itself and what a match it was. Pitting Team Hi-V (the Messiah, Nate Hatred, Trent Acid, Johnny Cashmere, Adam Flash and B-Boy) against Team Zandig (John Zandig, Nick Gage, Ian Knoxx, Lobo, the Wifebeater and a mystery man), there were 2 rings- the first filled with “a million thumbtacks”, the second covered in the cage of death. To get to the cage of death, you had to enter from a platform suspended 20 feet in the air. Entrances were staggered, meaning members of each teams entered at different times throughout the match. To be eliminated, you had to have your feet touch the floor outside the ring. Highlights of this match included-
-“Unbreakable” Johnny Kashmere entering the cage first, wearing a huge amount of padding and protective clothing- then getting beaten to a pulp by Zandig.
-the mystery man on Zandig’s team being NEW JACK!! New Jack then turned on Zandig, revealing himself to be a member of team Hi-V
-Ian Knoxx throwing B-Boy into the ring full of thumbtacks from the suspended platform, then diving down onto him with an elbow drop
-New Jack eliminating himself from the match by leaping off the top of the cage onto Zandig, who had been placed onto a stack of tables.
-Lobo’s return!! After nearly having his career ended at CoD 4, he returns, looking really fat, but still eliminating himself and Kashmere, plus Hi-V manager Dewey Donovan with a forward roll slam from the top of the cage through 2 tables.
-Wifebeater hitting a sidewalk slam on Adam Flash from the platform into the ring of thumbtacks
-Trent Acid eliminating Ian Knoxx by hitting him with a Yakuza kick which sent Knoxx flying off onto a stack of tables 20 feets below.
-Nate Hatred leaving team Hi-V to join team Zandig, thus reuniting the H8 Club
OVERALL, a show of total awesomeness. Highly recommended.
TOP 10 REASONS TO HATE KELLY OSBOURNE
10. The lyric “Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.That’s what it sounds like you said to me”. Maybe the worst lyric ever used on a major label single.
9. The fact she, along with her afrotastic fuckbean of a brother render the Osbournes unwatchable. Remember MTV- Ozzy being a crazy fuck up suffering the after effects of years of drug abuse= good TV. His idiot daughter shrieking like a banshee with pins in its eyeballs= fucking dreadful TV
8. Her ugly, ugly face.
7. The way she keeps slamming Busted. HOW FUCKING DARE SHE!
6. Her feud with Brody from the Distillers. Especially the way Kelly calls Brody a fake, when Kelly released an album so trying to be MTV friendly pop-rock, the Androids are laughing at her.
5. The fact that her only successful singles were covers. The only single she released which was an original was Shut Up, which was shit and no-one bought.
4. The fact that she wouldn’t go on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, because she thinks people on reality TV shows are really sad. Newsflash Kelly: the only reason anyone knows who you are is because of the fact YOU WERE ON A FUCKING REALITY TV SHOW, YOU STUPID TWAT!!
3. The fact that she’s going out with the retard man from the Transplants, maybe the most awful couple in rock.
2. Her feud with Christina Aguilera. Kelly recently described herself as “the anti-Christina”. Well seeing as Christina can sing, sells records (which aren’t covers) and is really attractive, Kelly may have a point there.
1. Changes. Everything about this song is horrible. From the fact that Kelly CAN’T FUCKING SING, to that irritating piano tune, to the fact that the song is credited to “Kelly Osbourne featuring Ozzy Osbourne”, as if this is a great Kelly Osbourne song that she was kind enough to let Ozzy guest on. Even worse than Somethin’ Stupid by Ali and Kibibi Campbell.
Before I bid you farewell, thank you to Jack for the recipe for Michelle’s meatloaf. It’ll be on the site next time.
Dave- Wired For Sound!!
NEW LOSTPROPHETS ALBUM- Judging by how awesome “Burn Burn” was and having heard the excellent “We Are Godzilla – You Are Japan”, it has the potential to be one of the best albums of the year.
RED TAPE- LA based agit-punks whose awesome “Dive Bomb” is one of the many great things about the PS2 game Backyard Wrestling. Think Amen, if a bit more dumb, but no less heavy.
MICHELLE FROM POP IDOLS 3RD SINGLE NOT REACHING THE TOP 10- I’m predicting this now. It’ll be over soon.
GREAT BANDS BRINGING OUT ALBUMS THIS YEAR- The Lostprophets album is the one that excites me most, but with Jimmy Eat World, the Used, 36 Crazyfists and Nine Inch Nails all rumoured to have new releases, plus the much hyped Head Automatica album (the band featuring Daryl from Glassjaw, Vinnie from the Movielife and Gorillaz member Dan the Automator) it’ll be an expensive year.
JACK WHITE’S YEAR IN JAIL- Hopefully he’ll “do a Shipman” while in there.
CHEAP PLUG FOR THE GREATEST VIDEO I’VE SEEN THIS YEAR
Just finished watching CZW’s Cage of Death 5 and I can honestly say it’s one of THE greatest wrestling shows I’ve ever seen. Highlights include…
-Cory Kastle picking up a nice win in tag with Jon Damher against Jude/ Niles Young and Jamie Samuels/ DJ Hyde, ending with Dahmer hitting a fucking top rope version of the Move of 1000 Maniacs
-Jimmy Jacobs! Maybe the greatest gimmick EVER! A skinny cruiserweight who is convinced he is former WWF superstar The Berserker, complete with furry boots, tries valiantly to climb over the top rope and yells “HUSS” all the time. To cap it all off, his ring music is fucking “The Touch” from Transformers: the Movie.
-Jimmy Jacobs beating Derek Frazier and Sabian in a three way to become the #1 contender to the CZW Junior Heavyweight title. Especially because I hate Derek Frazier, for he looks like a cunt.
-Jimmy Rave beating Trent Acid for the CZW Iron Man title. Even though Trent is a god amongst wrestlers, the match was damn fine and Jimmy Rave deserves a push.
-the #1 contenders match for the Iron Man title, with B-Boy, Alex Shelley and Chris f’n Hero. Hero jobs to the Shining Wizard from B-Boy (damn), but Shelley picks up the win in one hell of a match
-Chris Cash and Joker have a sick ladder match, which earns them a standing ovation from the crowd. Joker gets the win following a Joker Driver from the top of the ladder (approx 15 feet) through a table. 2004 will be Chris Cash’s year.
-Sonjay Dutt FINALLY beating Ruckus to win the CZW Junior Heavyweight title. Awesome match and Ruckus shows he works even better as a heel than as a face.
-THE MAIN EVENT. Maybe the most incredible spectacle I’ve ever witnessed. The actual Cage of Death match itself and what a match it was. Pitting Team Hi-V (the Messiah, Nate Hatred, Trent Acid, Johnny Cashmere, Adam Flash and B-Boy) against Team Zandig (John Zandig, Nick Gage, Ian Knoxx, Lobo, the Wifebeater and a mystery man), there were 2 rings- the first filled with “a million thumbtacks”, the second covered in the cage of death. To get to the cage of death, you had to enter from a platform suspended 20 feet in the air. Entrances were staggered, meaning members of each teams entered at different times throughout the match. To be eliminated, you had to have your feet touch the floor outside the ring. Highlights of this match included-
-“Unbreakable” Johnny Kashmere entering the cage first, wearing a huge amount of padding and protective clothing- then getting beaten to a pulp by Zandig.
-the mystery man on Zandig’s team being NEW JACK!! New Jack then turned on Zandig, revealing himself to be a member of team Hi-V
-Ian Knoxx throwing B-Boy into the ring full of thumbtacks from the suspended platform, then diving down onto him with an elbow drop
-New Jack eliminating himself from the match by leaping off the top of the cage onto Zandig, who had been placed onto a stack of tables.
-Lobo’s return!! After nearly having his career ended at CoD 4, he returns, looking really fat, but still eliminating himself and Kashmere, plus Hi-V manager Dewey Donovan with a forward roll slam from the top of the cage through 2 tables.
-Wifebeater hitting a sidewalk slam on Adam Flash from the platform into the ring of thumbtacks
-Trent Acid eliminating Ian Knoxx by hitting him with a Yakuza kick which sent Knoxx flying off onto a stack of tables 20 feets below.
-Nate Hatred leaving team Hi-V to join team Zandig, thus reuniting the H8 Club
OVERALL, a show of total awesomeness. Highly recommended.
TOP 10 REASONS TO HATE KELLY OSBOURNE
10. The lyric “Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.That’s what it sounds like you said to me”. Maybe the worst lyric ever used on a major label single.
9. The fact she, along with her afrotastic fuckbean of a brother render the Osbournes unwatchable. Remember MTV- Ozzy being a crazy fuck up suffering the after effects of years of drug abuse= good TV. His idiot daughter shrieking like a banshee with pins in its eyeballs= fucking dreadful TV
8. Her ugly, ugly face.
7. The way she keeps slamming Busted. HOW FUCKING DARE SHE!
6. Her feud with Brody from the Distillers. Especially the way Kelly calls Brody a fake, when Kelly released an album so trying to be MTV friendly pop-rock, the Androids are laughing at her.
5. The fact that her only successful singles were covers. The only single she released which was an original was Shut Up, which was shit and no-one bought.
4. The fact that she wouldn’t go on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, because she thinks people on reality TV shows are really sad. Newsflash Kelly: the only reason anyone knows who you are is because of the fact YOU WERE ON A FUCKING REALITY TV SHOW, YOU STUPID TWAT!!
3. The fact that she’s going out with the retard man from the Transplants, maybe the most awful couple in rock.
2. Her feud with Christina Aguilera. Kelly recently described herself as “the anti-Christina”. Well seeing as Christina can sing, sells records (which aren’t covers) and is really attractive, Kelly may have a point there.
1. Changes. Everything about this song is horrible. From the fact that Kelly CAN’T FUCKING SING, to that irritating piano tune, to the fact that the song is credited to “Kelly Osbourne featuring Ozzy Osbourne”, as if this is a great Kelly Osbourne song that she was kind enough to let Ozzy guest on. Even worse than Somethin’ Stupid by Ali and Kibibi Campbell.
Before I bid you farewell, thank you to Jack for the recipe for Michelle’s meatloaf. It’ll be on the site next time.
Dave- Wired For Sound!!
Monday, January 05, 2004
Just a quick note to say...I JUST PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!! Hooray for me, especially as I had a cold at the time, I feel like the man!
Just want to add a quick plug for the wrestling "dead pool" at www.1ryderfakin.com, where, providing you predict the next wrestler to die of anything other than natural causes, you can win $20. You get 7 picks and halfway down the list, you'll see my name. Don't you dare steal my picks, which are:
DAVEY C
Jake Roberts
Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart
Chaz Warrington
Buff Bagwell
The Warlord
Viscera /Mabel
Steve McMichael
Just want to add a quick plug for the wrestling "dead pool" at www.1ryderfakin.com, where, providing you predict the next wrestler to die of anything other than natural causes, you can win $20. You get 7 picks and halfway down the list, you'll see my name. Don't you dare steal my picks, which are:
DAVEY C
Jake Roberts
Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart
Chaz Warrington
Buff Bagwell
The Warlord
Viscera /Mabel
Steve McMichael
