Sunday, December 21, 2003
AN OPEN LETTER TO MICHELLE FROM POP IDOL
Dear Michelle,
First off, the niceties. I’m sure you are very happy to have won Pop Idol and are looking forward to a lengthy career in the music business. Obviously, as I’m sure you are aware, you will find it harder to achieve success due to the fact that you look different to most other pop stars. But you’ll be able to take heart from the fact that other “fuller-figured” stars, such as Alison Moyet and Meat Loaf have achieved a long lasting career in spite of their size.
Oh dear, what’s this Michelle?
“I don’t look like Meat Loaf. He’s ugly” (Michelle after Simon Cowell compared her to Meat Loaf)
WHO IN THE BLUE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE MICHELLE???? Let’s face it dear, you’re hardly a stunner now, are you, with your pointy nose and dodgy dental work. Don’t start thinking that because you’ve won some shit karaoke competition that you can start taking pot shots at someone like Meat Loaf, who was having chart success before you were inflicted on the world. As Meat himself points out, he’s a stone lighter than you and he didn’t need to do shit Celine Dion covers to get public attention. You should look to Meat as a role model, not someone who is beneath you, just because Dr fucking Fox put you on TV. People love Meat, not just because of his excellent music, but because he has a personality. Look at Meat Loaf when he’s interviewed- he’s funny, intelligent, quick witted. Did you see him, Michelle, on that shit Patrick Kielty show earlier this year? He made Kielty look like the overbearing twat that he is and the audience loved him. Everytime Kielty replied with what he thought was funny, Meat blew him away. Compare this to your response when you won Pop Idol- “to all those people who thought I couldn’t do it, well…I did it”. WELL FUCK MICHELLE, YOU REALLY SHOWED THEM!!!! Bet all those people, like myself, who took the piss out of you for being shit felt really stupid. Do you not see that you were the novelty vote? There is a big difference between the public voting for the novelty “different” one and people actually going out and buying Michelle records. You haven’t got the “credible funny one” attribute that Darius had, you haven’t got the “pre-pubescent girls love him” aura that that hapless cunt Gates had and you haven’t got the talent or versatility that Will has (by the way Michelle, hear Leave Right Now? You will NEVER have a song that good). Do you know which former Pop Idol star you are most like- yep, Rik Waller. People bought Rik’s first song because it’d be quite funny, but that was it. I’m not just being cruel about your looks due to your weight- even if you were half the size you’d still be a disgrace. Grow up Michelle, stop trying to act like the big star in town- you are even less credible than Kelly Osbourne or Alex Parks. Fuck off!
Your sincerely
Dave C
Sorry about the delay in updates, but I’ve had a busy week. Excitingly, some awesome packages have arrived for me in the post this week including-
The Used- The Used. Loving this at the moment. The Taste Of Ink reminds me so much of Reading and is still such an awesome piece of music. The rest of the album is great too, with A Box Full Of Sharp Objects being a highpoint.
My Chemical Romance- I’ll Bring The Bullets, You Bring Your Love. Great screamo produces by the singer from Thursday. A bit darker than Glassjaw or the Used, with slight hints of AFI in there. Honey, This Mirror Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us (not aimed at you Michelle) is a late contender for single of the year and the overall album quality is high.
WrestleCrap by RD Reynolds is a fantastic piece of writing, one of the best books I’ve read in ages. Reynolds is a great writer, recapping the most cringeworthy moments in wrestling history with great pinache. Nice touch to have John “Earthquake” Tenta doing the foreward.
The Ultimate Ric Flair Collection. From the worst in wrestling to, quite frankly, the best. What a stunning, 3-DVD set it is, covering the Nature Boy’s feuds with Terry Funk, Barry Windham and, best of all, Ricky Steamboat. All the backstage promos are gold and the celebration after Raw in Greensboro is quite incredible to watch. Recommended 150%
Look after yourselves and have a merry christmas. Remember- to be the man, you’ve got to beat the man. WHOOOOO!
DC (ivory_rules@icemaiden.co.uk)
Dear Michelle,
First off, the niceties. I’m sure you are very happy to have won Pop Idol and are looking forward to a lengthy career in the music business. Obviously, as I’m sure you are aware, you will find it harder to achieve success due to the fact that you look different to most other pop stars. But you’ll be able to take heart from the fact that other “fuller-figured” stars, such as Alison Moyet and Meat Loaf have achieved a long lasting career in spite of their size.
Oh dear, what’s this Michelle?
“I don’t look like Meat Loaf. He’s ugly” (Michelle after Simon Cowell compared her to Meat Loaf)
WHO IN THE BLUE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE MICHELLE???? Let’s face it dear, you’re hardly a stunner now, are you, with your pointy nose and dodgy dental work. Don’t start thinking that because you’ve won some shit karaoke competition that you can start taking pot shots at someone like Meat Loaf, who was having chart success before you were inflicted on the world. As Meat himself points out, he’s a stone lighter than you and he didn’t need to do shit Celine Dion covers to get public attention. You should look to Meat as a role model, not someone who is beneath you, just because Dr fucking Fox put you on TV. People love Meat, not just because of his excellent music, but because he has a personality. Look at Meat Loaf when he’s interviewed- he’s funny, intelligent, quick witted. Did you see him, Michelle, on that shit Patrick Kielty show earlier this year? He made Kielty look like the overbearing twat that he is and the audience loved him. Everytime Kielty replied with what he thought was funny, Meat blew him away. Compare this to your response when you won Pop Idol- “to all those people who thought I couldn’t do it, well…I did it”. WELL FUCK MICHELLE, YOU REALLY SHOWED THEM!!!! Bet all those people, like myself, who took the piss out of you for being shit felt really stupid. Do you not see that you were the novelty vote? There is a big difference between the public voting for the novelty “different” one and people actually going out and buying Michelle records. You haven’t got the “credible funny one” attribute that Darius had, you haven’t got the “pre-pubescent girls love him” aura that that hapless cunt Gates had and you haven’t got the talent or versatility that Will has (by the way Michelle, hear Leave Right Now? You will NEVER have a song that good). Do you know which former Pop Idol star you are most like- yep, Rik Waller. People bought Rik’s first song because it’d be quite funny, but that was it. I’m not just being cruel about your looks due to your weight- even if you were half the size you’d still be a disgrace. Grow up Michelle, stop trying to act like the big star in town- you are even less credible than Kelly Osbourne or Alex Parks. Fuck off!
Your sincerely
Dave C
Sorry about the delay in updates, but I’ve had a busy week. Excitingly, some awesome packages have arrived for me in the post this week including-
The Used- The Used. Loving this at the moment. The Taste Of Ink reminds me so much of Reading and is still such an awesome piece of music. The rest of the album is great too, with A Box Full Of Sharp Objects being a highpoint.
My Chemical Romance- I’ll Bring The Bullets, You Bring Your Love. Great screamo produces by the singer from Thursday. A bit darker than Glassjaw or the Used, with slight hints of AFI in there. Honey, This Mirror Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us (not aimed at you Michelle) is a late contender for single of the year and the overall album quality is high.
WrestleCrap by RD Reynolds is a fantastic piece of writing, one of the best books I’ve read in ages. Reynolds is a great writer, recapping the most cringeworthy moments in wrestling history with great pinache. Nice touch to have John “Earthquake” Tenta doing the foreward.
The Ultimate Ric Flair Collection. From the worst in wrestling to, quite frankly, the best. What a stunning, 3-DVD set it is, covering the Nature Boy’s feuds with Terry Funk, Barry Windham and, best of all, Ricky Steamboat. All the backstage promos are gold and the celebration after Raw in Greensboro is quite incredible to watch. Recommended 150%
Look after yourselves and have a merry christmas. Remember- to be the man, you’ve got to beat the man. WHOOOOO!
DC (ivory_rules@icemaiden.co.uk)
Thursday, December 11, 2003
Hey, just wanted to add a few little bits and pieces:
*Just found out who the mysterious "DP2" is from the Dead Prez vs Mexico's Most Wanted match on XPW Fallout. Apparently he is independant star Low Rider, who I only know due to his poor stats on EWR
*Hey, just what everyone wants for Christmas- a Villanos gift pack. Celebrate the festive season with everyones favourite WCW jobbers here
*Currently working on a review of ECW's first ever pay-per-view Barely Legal 97. Still got the new Blink 182 album and CZW Extreme 8 in the pipeline, so thats something to look forward to.
*Just want to quickly plug a few sites:
monsters4gods will apparently give me a link when they update their website. Bless you guysclick here
Still nothing more accurate than the ladder theory
Take care
DC (ivory_rules@icemaiden.co.uk)
*Just found out who the mysterious "DP2" is from the Dead Prez vs Mexico's Most Wanted match on XPW Fallout. Apparently he is independant star Low Rider, who I only know due to his poor stats on EWR
*Hey, just what everyone wants for Christmas- a Villanos gift pack. Celebrate the festive season with everyones favourite WCW jobbers here
*Currently working on a review of ECW's first ever pay-per-view Barely Legal 97. Still got the new Blink 182 album and CZW Extreme 8 in the pipeline, so thats something to look forward to.
*Just want to quickly plug a few sites:
monsters4gods will apparently give me a link when they update their website. Bless you guysclick here
Still nothing more accurate than the ladder theory
Take care
DC (ivory_rules@icemaiden.co.uk)
Monday, December 08, 2003
THE TEN BEST SINGLES OF 2003
1. ELECTRIC SIX- GAY BAR
Any song that can get rooms full of men bellowing the line “I’ve got something to put in you at the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar” deserves to be single of the year. Accompanied by that awesome video, and with that instantly recognizable riff, this song managed to make Danger! High Voltage seem quite forgettable
2. THE DARKNESS- GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WOMAN
While Growing On Me was their breakthrough hit and I Believe In A Thing Called Love was an instant hit, THIS was their greatest single. With the wittiest lyrics they’ve written (“octoped you’ve got six hands too many and you can’t keep them to yourself”) and the undeniable greatness of that final “MOOOOTHHHERFUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKEEEEERRRR”, this is the standard they need to maintain to avoid falling into novelty hell
3. BUSTED- YOU SAID NO
At the start of the year, I hated Busted, but songs like this and Year 3000 made me a convert to the cause. This one wins out due to the slightly more rocking nature and the fact that the video finally answered the question of just who Busted'’ drummer is (it's Charlie, apparently)
4. GOOD CHARLOTTE- GIRLS AND BOYS
Hey, don’t be dissing Good Charlotte. While I’ve spent the year trying to defend GC from accusations that they are “just a pop band” or “no more punk than Busted”, songs as good as Girls and Boys need no justification. As they told the crowds at Reading “hey don’t pretend you don’t like that, that shits catchy”. Indeed
5. MEATLOAF- COULDN’T HAVE SAID IT BETTER
Reliable housemate Mike told me about this first, describing it as a classic Meatloaf track. That it was, from the Meat/ female singer interaction to the nice tinkling piano part, this was as overblown as it was awesome.
6. OKGO- GET OVER IT
If ever a band seem unlikely to shake off their “one hit wonder” tag, it’s OKGO. But what a hit it was. Quirky as a nut, but irresistably catchy, this seems destined to be their finest hour
7. HOT ACTION COP- FEVER FOR THE FLAVA
Dumb as can be, but so damn funky I can’t help but love it. Should have been this years “The Bad Touch”, but I guess it wasn’t to be. Still ace.
8. BLINK 182- FEELING THIS
Again, don’t want to say too much about this for fear of undermining the still-forthcoming review of this, suffice to say it’s as awesome on record as it was live.
9. FINCH- LETTERS TO YOU
OK, they may have sucked the meat missile at Reading, but their biggest crime was the failure to play this. Three and a half minutes of emo-rock perfection, it’ll be interesting to see if they can better this in 2004
10. BLU CANTRELL feat SEAN PAUL- BREATHE
Yeah, fuck you. Blu Cantrell RULES your ass!!
JUST MISSED OUT
The Used- The Taste Of Ink (wasn’t sure if it got released as a single)
The Distillers- City Of Angels (couldn’t remember if it came out this year)
Alex Parks- Maybe That’s What It Takes (too fucking shit)
ALEX PARKS…..AN OPINION
So there I was at work, when a colleague asked me to switch the radio on.
“Which station?” I replied
“Try Mercia, it’s normally quite upbeat” he replied
On comes Mercia FM, Coventry’s local radio station, and on comes a slow tedious dirge. It sounds like a Dido b-side and is as close to being upbeat as rugby is to being our national sport, that is very fucking far. After 3 seemingly-neverending minutes, this painful dirge finally ceases to irritate my senses. Wondering who the fuck was responsible for this wretched cocophany, I listened further, only to be informed that it was the debut single by Fame Academy winner, Alex Parks.
WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!
How can the writer of such aural bile be the winner of ANYTHING?? Now, I didn’t watch Fame Academy, but if that was the best they could come up with (shit, the losers must have been EVEN WORSE!!! The mind boggles…), they should have called the whole thing off on musical grounds. But it gets worse. Not only has Miss Parks already released her debut album (Introduction, although I think I’d rather be introduced face first to a lamppost at 80mph), which features covers of Imagine, Yellow, Everybody Hurts and Mad World. This irritates me for several reasons. Firstly, as Spadger pointed out to me, what she has clearly done is cover, not the Tears For Fears synth original, but covered the Gary Jules cover from Donnie Darko. Covering a cover is pretty bad, but vaguely acceptable I suppose. She’s also covered Everybody Hurts, which frankly doesn’t need covering. Let’s face it, the REM version was quite the beautiful piece of songwriting. Does Miss Parks REALLY think that the world has been waiting for a cover performed by a shit karaoke singer? Hell, I hate Coldplay, but hearing her version of Yellow made me feel sorry for Coldplay fans the world over. But the most irritating part is that fact that the BBC were so proud that Fame Academy would uncover “new talents”. It was different from Pop Idol, they argued, because they would discover songwriters who could pen their own songs. So why, pray tell, has this “talented songwriter” recorded an album featuring SO MANY FUCKING COVERS????? Hell, I get lambasted when punk bands I like record one novelty cover of an 80’s hit. Alex Parks decides to cover the song voted the greatest No 1 of all time (hey, I hate it, but a fact is a fact) plus 2 beautiful songs and a Coldplay song less than 3 years old. Who is this irritating bint appealing to??? Why does anyone nip into a record store and think “oooh, an album of covers, plus original material of the same standard as that shit single. That’ll be a good buy”? What the fuck is wrong with people?? Didn’t they learn from David Sneddon?? Does the world need Sinead Quinn: the lesbian edition?? Bollocks to Fame Academy and bollocks to Alex Parks. I’d rather listen to a 3 hour collection of Turin Brakes outtakes that have the misfortune to hear her screeching wails again
DC (ivory_rules@icemaiden.co.uk)
RIP Jerry “Malice” Tuite
1. ELECTRIC SIX- GAY BAR
Any song that can get rooms full of men bellowing the line “I’ve got something to put in you at the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar” deserves to be single of the year. Accompanied by that awesome video, and with that instantly recognizable riff, this song managed to make Danger! High Voltage seem quite forgettable
2. THE DARKNESS- GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WOMAN
While Growing On Me was their breakthrough hit and I Believe In A Thing Called Love was an instant hit, THIS was their greatest single. With the wittiest lyrics they’ve written (“octoped you’ve got six hands too many and you can’t keep them to yourself”) and the undeniable greatness of that final “MOOOOTHHHERFUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKEEEEERRRR”, this is the standard they need to maintain to avoid falling into novelty hell
3. BUSTED- YOU SAID NO
At the start of the year, I hated Busted, but songs like this and Year 3000 made me a convert to the cause. This one wins out due to the slightly more rocking nature and the fact that the video finally answered the question of just who Busted'’ drummer is (it's Charlie, apparently)
4. GOOD CHARLOTTE- GIRLS AND BOYS
Hey, don’t be dissing Good Charlotte. While I’ve spent the year trying to defend GC from accusations that they are “just a pop band” or “no more punk than Busted”, songs as good as Girls and Boys need no justification. As they told the crowds at Reading “hey don’t pretend you don’t like that, that shits catchy”. Indeed
5. MEATLOAF- COULDN’T HAVE SAID IT BETTER
Reliable housemate Mike told me about this first, describing it as a classic Meatloaf track. That it was, from the Meat/ female singer interaction to the nice tinkling piano part, this was as overblown as it was awesome.
6. OKGO- GET OVER IT
If ever a band seem unlikely to shake off their “one hit wonder” tag, it’s OKGO. But what a hit it was. Quirky as a nut, but irresistably catchy, this seems destined to be their finest hour
7. HOT ACTION COP- FEVER FOR THE FLAVA
Dumb as can be, but so damn funky I can’t help but love it. Should have been this years “The Bad Touch”, but I guess it wasn’t to be. Still ace.
8. BLINK 182- FEELING THIS
Again, don’t want to say too much about this for fear of undermining the still-forthcoming review of this, suffice to say it’s as awesome on record as it was live.
9. FINCH- LETTERS TO YOU
OK, they may have sucked the meat missile at Reading, but their biggest crime was the failure to play this. Three and a half minutes of emo-rock perfection, it’ll be interesting to see if they can better this in 2004
10. BLU CANTRELL feat SEAN PAUL- BREATHE
Yeah, fuck you. Blu Cantrell RULES your ass!!
JUST MISSED OUT
The Used- The Taste Of Ink (wasn’t sure if it got released as a single)
The Distillers- City Of Angels (couldn’t remember if it came out this year)
Alex Parks- Maybe That’s What It Takes (too fucking shit)
ALEX PARKS…..AN OPINION
So there I was at work, when a colleague asked me to switch the radio on.
“Which station?” I replied
“Try Mercia, it’s normally quite upbeat” he replied
On comes Mercia FM, Coventry’s local radio station, and on comes a slow tedious dirge. It sounds like a Dido b-side and is as close to being upbeat as rugby is to being our national sport, that is very fucking far. After 3 seemingly-neverending minutes, this painful dirge finally ceases to irritate my senses. Wondering who the fuck was responsible for this wretched cocophany, I listened further, only to be informed that it was the debut single by Fame Academy winner, Alex Parks.
WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!
How can the writer of such aural bile be the winner of ANYTHING?? Now, I didn’t watch Fame Academy, but if that was the best they could come up with (shit, the losers must have been EVEN WORSE!!! The mind boggles…), they should have called the whole thing off on musical grounds. But it gets worse. Not only has Miss Parks already released her debut album (Introduction, although I think I’d rather be introduced face first to a lamppost at 80mph), which features covers of Imagine, Yellow, Everybody Hurts and Mad World. This irritates me for several reasons. Firstly, as Spadger pointed out to me, what she has clearly done is cover, not the Tears For Fears synth original, but covered the Gary Jules cover from Donnie Darko. Covering a cover is pretty bad, but vaguely acceptable I suppose. She’s also covered Everybody Hurts, which frankly doesn’t need covering. Let’s face it, the REM version was quite the beautiful piece of songwriting. Does Miss Parks REALLY think that the world has been waiting for a cover performed by a shit karaoke singer? Hell, I hate Coldplay, but hearing her version of Yellow made me feel sorry for Coldplay fans the world over. But the most irritating part is that fact that the BBC were so proud that Fame Academy would uncover “new talents”. It was different from Pop Idol, they argued, because they would discover songwriters who could pen their own songs. So why, pray tell, has this “talented songwriter” recorded an album featuring SO MANY FUCKING COVERS????? Hell, I get lambasted when punk bands I like record one novelty cover of an 80’s hit. Alex Parks decides to cover the song voted the greatest No 1 of all time (hey, I hate it, but a fact is a fact) plus 2 beautiful songs and a Coldplay song less than 3 years old. Who is this irritating bint appealing to??? Why does anyone nip into a record store and think “oooh, an album of covers, plus original material of the same standard as that shit single. That’ll be a good buy”? What the fuck is wrong with people?? Didn’t they learn from David Sneddon?? Does the world need Sinead Quinn: the lesbian edition?? Bollocks to Fame Academy and bollocks to Alex Parks. I’d rather listen to a 3 hour collection of Turin Brakes outtakes that have the misfortune to hear her screeching wails again
DC (ivory_rules@icemaiden.co.uk)
RIP Jerry “Malice” Tuite
Monday, December 01, 2003
THE TEN BEST ALBUMS OF 2003
1.THE DARKNESS- PERMISSION TO LAND
In a year where bands like Kings of Leon and the White Stripes liked to pretend they knew how to rock, it took the Darkness to show that it’s OK to have some fun while doing it. Of course the singles I Believe In A Thing Called Love and Growing On Me were excellent, and yes, it is a shame that Get Your Hands Off My Woman is doomed to be the “forgotten single”, but the album tracks were just as good. Love On The Rocks With No Ice remains the highlight, the storming riff juxtaposed with an incredible falsetto from Justin, but the beauty of Love Is Only A Feeling, the Status Quo-ness of Giving Up and the sheer damn fun of Friday Night makes this an easy choice for album of the year
2.AFI- SING THE SORROW
If it wasn’t for Metallica, AFI would have easily been my act of the year at Reading. While the old material was all gold, it was the tracks from this album that really made them sparkle. With a great intro song in the shape of Miseria Cantare (CM Punk’s Ring of Honor entrance music, fact fans), this is the album that showed AFI’s evolution from great goth-punk band to great goth-rock band. Bleed Black remains a personal highlight, it’s urging, insistent chorus being near irresistible, but The Leaving Song Pt II, Paper Aeroplanes and, of course, Girl’s Not Grey, all make this a sensational album.
3. AMERICAN HIFI- THE ART OF LOSING
A horribly underrated album from a horribly underrated band, this was a step forward from their self-titled debut, due to the fact that every song could have been a single. From the pounding drum intro of the title track to the singalong greatness of Nothing Left To Lose, via the pop-rock genius of The Breakup Song, it will remain a sadly forgotten treasure to those lucky enough to seek it out. It’s ironic that they supported Sum 41 earlier this year, because this REALLY is All Killer, No Filler.
4.BLINK 182- BLINK 182
After their storming set at Reading, I was psyched about this album for ages, and when it finally came out, I wasn’t let down. I don’t want to say too much, because I still aim to review this next week, but suffice to say, Box Car Racer + Mark singing (he really is the better vocalist of the two) + Robert Smith guest vocals = a great, great album
5.FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND- CASUALLY DRESSED AND DEEP IN CONVERSATION
Easily the greatest band to come out of Wales in a long time (sorry monsters4gods), this was the emo-rock album of the year. While it initially appeared cocky not to include This Years Most Open Heartbreak, the song that brought them to national prominence, the band have evolved so much since then that TYMOH would have been one of the weakest songs on there. The singles She Drove Me To Daytime Television and Juneau were excellent enough to encourage purchase, but album tracks like Rookie Of The Year also enticed the listener.
6.ALKALINE TRIO- GOOD MOURNING
While I love their breakthrough album From Here To Infirmary, there was still a nagging suspicion that there was a tad too much filler. Luckily, they loaded Good Mourning with great song after great song. We’ve Had Enough was a brilliant choice for a first single, as it’s by far and away the catchiest thing they’ve written and opener This Could Be Love, with Matt Skiba’s typically dark lyrics, sets the pace nicely for what is a stunning collection of songs. Any fears that they were a simple one-dimensional punk band, especially for anyone who has only seen the Stupid Kid video) are instantly destroyed by one listen of acoustic album closer Blue In The Face, which still sends a shiver down the spine. Well done, dark minded punk fellas
7.EVERCLEAR- SLOW MOTION DAYDREAM
Why on Earth has everyone forgotten about the existance of Everclear? I wouldn’t even have known this album was out until I saw it for £6.99 on cd-wow.com, and that would have sucked because it’s a fine piece of work. Volvo Driving Soccer Mom is a typical Everclear singalong pop classic, while the likes of Blackjack and I Want To Die A Beautiful Death showed that Art Alexakis still knows how to rock with the best of them. Like American Hifi, this is a brilliant, undiscovered gem
8. THE DISTILLERS- CORAL FANG
You’ve got to love the fact that the Distillers are, slowly but surely, turning into a female version of the Pixies. Brody Dalle remains the greatest female rock star on the planet, in spite of spending more time with the terminally dull QOTSA instead of Rancid. Like Blink, the Distillers have shown a nice, new found maturity with their songwriting, and, while nothing here has the same sugar rush pop edge of City Of Angels, the likes of Drain The Blood, The Gallon Is God and the frenzied Deathsex show the Distillers still fire on all cylinders.
9. NICKELBACK- THE LONG ROAD
“Waah, waah, Nickelback suck, waah, they’re really dull”. While the likes of Kings of Leon and the insipid Yeah Yeah Yeahs seem to have spent more time trying to look authentic than, you know, actually write decent songs, the much-slated Nickelback have produced an album full of fine rock songs. Single Someday, although great, may sound very similar to another certain Nickelback hit, but the rest of the album is full of awesome songs. Try listening to the likes of Flat On The Floor and Figured You Out with an open mind and be prepared to be impressed.
10.POISON THE WELL- YOU COME BEFORE YOU
They put on a decent set at Reading, but didn’t do this album the justice it deserves. A thunderous major label debut that still manages to retain the integrity that PTW were known for.
Honourable mentions:
Meatloaf- Couldn’t Have Said It Better
The Ataris- So Long, Astoria
Various- Kill Bill Vol 1 Soundtrack
THE BATTLE FOR X-MAS NUMBER ONE
The Songs Dave would like to see hit #1:
Gary Jules- Mad World (by the way, shit lesbian karaoke champion Alex Parks has also covered this. Haven’t heard it yet, but it’s clearly not as good as the Jules version, and judging by her foghorn voice on the suicidal dirge Maybe That’s What It Takes, it’s gonna suck)
The Darkness- Don’t Let The Bells Stop (not a Darkness classic, but of the songs I like, it’s got the most chance of hitting number one)
Avid Merrion- Proper Crim-bo (Spadger loves this and is sure it’ll be number one. I quite like it- respect for John Leslie being in the video- but it hasn’t got a chance)
Songs Dave doesn’t want at number one, but will be:
The Pop Idol Winner- Happy Christmas (War Is Over) (Hope I got the title right there. Pop Idol + John Lennon = musical hell)
Fast Food Rocker or the Cheeky Girls (the novelty vote. Anyone who buys these is a cunt)
Alex Parks (oh, do fuck off!)
Next time, I'll be adding the ten best singles of 2003. Until then, remember: just because I like the new Will Young single, it doesn't mean I'm gay.
DC (ivory_rules@icemaiden.co.uk)
1.THE DARKNESS- PERMISSION TO LAND
In a year where bands like Kings of Leon and the White Stripes liked to pretend they knew how to rock, it took the Darkness to show that it’s OK to have some fun while doing it. Of course the singles I Believe In A Thing Called Love and Growing On Me were excellent, and yes, it is a shame that Get Your Hands Off My Woman is doomed to be the “forgotten single”, but the album tracks were just as good. Love On The Rocks With No Ice remains the highlight, the storming riff juxtaposed with an incredible falsetto from Justin, but the beauty of Love Is Only A Feeling, the Status Quo-ness of Giving Up and the sheer damn fun of Friday Night makes this an easy choice for album of the year
2.AFI- SING THE SORROW
If it wasn’t for Metallica, AFI would have easily been my act of the year at Reading. While the old material was all gold, it was the tracks from this album that really made them sparkle. With a great intro song in the shape of Miseria Cantare (CM Punk’s Ring of Honor entrance music, fact fans), this is the album that showed AFI’s evolution from great goth-punk band to great goth-rock band. Bleed Black remains a personal highlight, it’s urging, insistent chorus being near irresistible, but The Leaving Song Pt II, Paper Aeroplanes and, of course, Girl’s Not Grey, all make this a sensational album.
3. AMERICAN HIFI- THE ART OF LOSING
A horribly underrated album from a horribly underrated band, this was a step forward from their self-titled debut, due to the fact that every song could have been a single. From the pounding drum intro of the title track to the singalong greatness of Nothing Left To Lose, via the pop-rock genius of The Breakup Song, it will remain a sadly forgotten treasure to those lucky enough to seek it out. It’s ironic that they supported Sum 41 earlier this year, because this REALLY is All Killer, No Filler.
4.BLINK 182- BLINK 182
After their storming set at Reading, I was psyched about this album for ages, and when it finally came out, I wasn’t let down. I don’t want to say too much, because I still aim to review this next week, but suffice to say, Box Car Racer + Mark singing (he really is the better vocalist of the two) + Robert Smith guest vocals = a great, great album
5.FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND- CASUALLY DRESSED AND DEEP IN CONVERSATION
Easily the greatest band to come out of Wales in a long time (sorry monsters4gods), this was the emo-rock album of the year. While it initially appeared cocky not to include This Years Most Open Heartbreak, the song that brought them to national prominence, the band have evolved so much since then that TYMOH would have been one of the weakest songs on there. The singles She Drove Me To Daytime Television and Juneau were excellent enough to encourage purchase, but album tracks like Rookie Of The Year also enticed the listener.
6.ALKALINE TRIO- GOOD MOURNING
While I love their breakthrough album From Here To Infirmary, there was still a nagging suspicion that there was a tad too much filler. Luckily, they loaded Good Mourning with great song after great song. We’ve Had Enough was a brilliant choice for a first single, as it’s by far and away the catchiest thing they’ve written and opener This Could Be Love, with Matt Skiba’s typically dark lyrics, sets the pace nicely for what is a stunning collection of songs. Any fears that they were a simple one-dimensional punk band, especially for anyone who has only seen the Stupid Kid video) are instantly destroyed by one listen of acoustic album closer Blue In The Face, which still sends a shiver down the spine. Well done, dark minded punk fellas
7.EVERCLEAR- SLOW MOTION DAYDREAM
Why on Earth has everyone forgotten about the existance of Everclear? I wouldn’t even have known this album was out until I saw it for £6.99 on cd-wow.com, and that would have sucked because it’s a fine piece of work. Volvo Driving Soccer Mom is a typical Everclear singalong pop classic, while the likes of Blackjack and I Want To Die A Beautiful Death showed that Art Alexakis still knows how to rock with the best of them. Like American Hifi, this is a brilliant, undiscovered gem
8. THE DISTILLERS- CORAL FANG
You’ve got to love the fact that the Distillers are, slowly but surely, turning into a female version of the Pixies. Brody Dalle remains the greatest female rock star on the planet, in spite of spending more time with the terminally dull QOTSA instead of Rancid. Like Blink, the Distillers have shown a nice, new found maturity with their songwriting, and, while nothing here has the same sugar rush pop edge of City Of Angels, the likes of Drain The Blood, The Gallon Is God and the frenzied Deathsex show the Distillers still fire on all cylinders.
9. NICKELBACK- THE LONG ROAD
“Waah, waah, Nickelback suck, waah, they’re really dull”. While the likes of Kings of Leon and the insipid Yeah Yeah Yeahs seem to have spent more time trying to look authentic than, you know, actually write decent songs, the much-slated Nickelback have produced an album full of fine rock songs. Single Someday, although great, may sound very similar to another certain Nickelback hit, but the rest of the album is full of awesome songs. Try listening to the likes of Flat On The Floor and Figured You Out with an open mind and be prepared to be impressed.
10.POISON THE WELL- YOU COME BEFORE YOU
They put on a decent set at Reading, but didn’t do this album the justice it deserves. A thunderous major label debut that still manages to retain the integrity that PTW were known for.
Honourable mentions:
Meatloaf- Couldn’t Have Said It Better
The Ataris- So Long, Astoria
Various- Kill Bill Vol 1 Soundtrack
THE BATTLE FOR X-MAS NUMBER ONE
The Songs Dave would like to see hit #1:
Gary Jules- Mad World (by the way, shit lesbian karaoke champion Alex Parks has also covered this. Haven’t heard it yet, but it’s clearly not as good as the Jules version, and judging by her foghorn voice on the suicidal dirge Maybe That’s What It Takes, it’s gonna suck)
The Darkness- Don’t Let The Bells Stop (not a Darkness classic, but of the songs I like, it’s got the most chance of hitting number one)
Avid Merrion- Proper Crim-bo (Spadger loves this and is sure it’ll be number one. I quite like it- respect for John Leslie being in the video- but it hasn’t got a chance)
Songs Dave doesn’t want at number one, but will be:
The Pop Idol Winner- Happy Christmas (War Is Over) (Hope I got the title right there. Pop Idol + John Lennon = musical hell)
Fast Food Rocker or the Cheeky Girls (the novelty vote. Anyone who buys these is a cunt)
Alex Parks (oh, do fuck off!)
Next time, I'll be adding the ten best singles of 2003. Until then, remember: just because I like the new Will Young single, it doesn't mean I'm gay.
DC (ivory_rules@icemaiden.co.uk)
